Feedback from a focus group and improvements made

Our feedback made it clear to us that we needed to refine some of our previous ideas to make sure that the piece was as effective as it possibly could be with regards to the codes and conventions of the genre. Firstly, we had to ask people about the flashbacks, these were hard to integrate without it being unclear that they were flashbacks. At first we only had transitions of a few of them and the flashes weren't used at that stage. Feedback suggested that the flashes would be useful as they enabled people to understand that she was thinking back to previous events that had happened (e.g.: her eye makeup reminds her of the make up of the darker personality, as seen in the gif created below).
The toilet scene was used after we realised that our previous bathroom scene was ineffective in showing the narrative. Miriam suggested to us that 'it may be useful to present her using a more public toilet, to show her desperation and her vulnerability as she has to take refuge in a place where most people wouldn't consider'. As a result we then made the Danson Park toilet scene more prominent in the sequence.
Originally our actress was only seen running down the underpass, but again this didn't make the narrative clear on its own. Seen running down the park pathway we were able to show a continuous running pace that made the narrative clearer. Ria thought that, "by showing the running both in the underpass scene and now the park scene, it shows that despite her only running from what she thinks of in a mirror, the narrative is clearer".

Juliet told us that 'by having the scene where she rubs her smudged makeup off in the mirror, the sequence becomes similar to Black Swan, which helps to clear up the narrative'.

Acting upon feedback; final improvements and new location

Our finalised idea consists of a journey, whereby the protagonist is running home after spending a day as her alter ego side of the split personality condition she has. The piece will include flashbacks of events that our character has been through that day and previous days of where she acts as her second personality. The idea of the opening is to show her coming home, not understanding what has happened or what she has been doing all day, getting into the bath to try and relax. If the film were to continue, the opening sets up for a story of how she lives with a double persona, and that she is completely unaware of the damage she causes when subverting into this. It stimulates confusion, tension and frustration.

New location:

Danson Park toilets
The toilets are a cold metal cubical that have 2 perpendicular mirrors, symbolising our narrative of a split personality disorder. We liked the green, rusty folding sheet that we utilised in the piece to show how the protagonist is trying to escape. The toilets had high key daylight lighting present already, which we thought would give a good urban-realism feel to the opening, as the setting is in a sub-urban town. The location is run-down looking, and uncared for, suggesting dereliction and isolation; parallel to how our character is feeling, so we thought this would work well to project her fear.

                         

                           

The house

Again, taking advantage of natural lighting, we used a small family home (Welling) to show where our character lives. It's an ordinary home, which contrasts well with the idea of our character's personality. Inside, there are wooden features such as the char, staircase, bannisters and doors, making the home look traditional and warm. In the bathroom, there are more mirrors to keep continuity of ideas and symbolism, and the mirror in the home is round in comparison to the rectangular, sharped edged ones of the public toilet. Also, in the bathroom we added cosmetic products and bathroom items to enhance the mise en scene and conform to gender conventions a little bit more - suggesting she is a normal girl who looks after herself, making the scene look slightly more relaxing than the 'flashback' bathroom scenes which are cold, blue and uninviting. 

                            

Improvements to storyline (acting upon feedback)

After showing our first draft to teachers and fellow peers, we have decided to alter our storyline in order to create a clearer narrative.

Alena Fitzgerald has a split personality disorder caused by a lifetime of obeying strict rules suppressed upon her from her proud parents, and pressures from school, the agony of pushing herself to be the top achiever throughout her schooling life. She is at a breaking point and therefore, a rebellious side of her slowly unravels to reveal her lack of personal control and stability.

To portray this, we plan to contrast her innocent side with the rebellious, using a completely new morning scene in the opening.

Things to include: Setting

• Girly bedroom
• Morning daylight
• Bedding, cushions, mirrors, books, fairy lights, glasses, school supplies, sensible clothes hanging up, neat, ordered and tidy
• Train journey

Costume, hair and make-up:

• Plaits
• White nightgown
• Slippers
• Face-cloth
• Mascara
• Natural nails
• No make-up
• Sensible clothes/ school uniform
• School bag

We plan to use jump cuts to form a more impactful, clearer montage to show the contrast of her two personalities. This way, the narrative is made evident, as we experienced some confusion when showing the opening to fellow students. Many said that the story was "weird" or hard to grasp, so by including the new idea of Alena having an innocent side should help boost our opening's strength and impact, but also to establish what the film is about if it were to carry on. 

During a peaceful morning routine scene, we will see Alena brushing her hair, wiping her face and putting on some mascara. She will see a slight cut and bruise on the side of her eye, of which she doesn't remember getting. This is the signal to show how she does dangerous things in an unaware state, and to notify that there is something wrong. Then we will cut to the fast-paced running scenes and bath scenes to establish the difference in the way she acts when she is released from the constraint of her parents and teachers - her sudden rush into maturity that breaks away her sanity.